Choice is an interesting concept in this world where everyone chases freedom. The greatest misconception about this might be the fact that we always have freedom, but we never chase it and make it a fleeting goal. The temperaments we have, the ones that build our persona we call ourselves, the world we all seem to want to change, the communities we belong to, and the families we call ours. As I settle into adulthood, I wonder about the “what ifs” a lot. We can all attest to the defining moments we’d refer to as turning points in our lives. For mine, I can’t help but wonder how different life would’ve played out if I chose ways different from the ones I took. Most time, we never put much thought into it. Most decisions take us less than 24 hours to settle on, so almost everything comes our way instantly. The good, the tragedies, and all the ones that leave us content.
Ever wondered if there was a corridor with an infinite number of doors, each representing an alternate reality where we chose differently? What would the doors open up to?
2023 had a door where I could’ve stopped looking for a university and dropped out before I started pursuing my degree. Amid chaos, trying to figure out what to do with my 20-year-old self, working on a new body and running an accessories business, I felt the urge to always do more. For years, I’d been somewhat involved in my father’s business, but I’d never fully worked with him. With all the time in the world in my hands, I packed my bag and was on a flight to Windhoek as soon as I could. I knew almost nothing when I started working, but I always said yes and worked all night figuring it out, only to have early mornings in the gym. Coffee became my best friend. Early days and late nights were my daily bread. I had a taste of what it means to work beside this man whom I’d only known as a father.
The scope of what he did, the pace he did it at, and the impact it projected on the rest of us came as not so much a shock but a lesson. It was like walking in snow for the first time. I wouldn’t know where to step, but I had someone I could trust to lead the way, all I had to do was place my foot exactly where his footprints were, and I’d be safe.
This open door in my infinite corridor inflated my view of personal achievement. I was comfortable living the way I did that month because I was on the rewarding side of the 20 years my father stacked up building the school. Personally, I had contributed some, but to a greater extent, not much to be deserving of most of the benefits I enjoyed by simply being his son. My mind is a force to reckon with, I can’t deny. I worked well with everyone, but this unknown wasn’t a challenge I’d want myself to be responsible for. The tools and gear needed would be handed to me easily. I love myself a challenge. So, I went back in the corridor, closed the “drop out” door, and walked along, looking for a door that would challenge me, maybe make me seem idle for a while while I worked on becoming the person deserving of everything I’d experienced and more. Then I opened another door, with the same reality, just from a different perspective.
From this perspective, much more comes into my head, questions about moving to a better country, starting something new or joining well established systems. Honestly, besides letting everything play out, I try make choices that my highest self would be grateful I made. That’s what my walks in the snow look like now, me dragging my feet, carving a path that feels authentic to me.
The idea of relationships and how they change the essence of our being is another fascinating sequence of doors in the life corridor. Whenever we get to meet someone new, we get to make memories with them. Mostly those which we would consider valuable if we were to spend a huge part of our lives with a chosen person. Memories then last forever; they are somewhat the engravings of the mind. Now, this may seem some some prelude to a whole story about spoilt memories and how damaging they can be to people, that’s easy to sell. My point is, make the engravings whenever you can, especially if you are young, because aiming is good, even if it’s bad, there’s always time to readjust. You can always close a door on specific relationships and open new ones, with an open mind and the direction you were guided to by the mistakes of the past.
Opening doors to relationships allows us to make mistakes. Our memories are better off when we look at mistakes and try to correct them because regret only comes from things we did not do. We regret the flowers we didn’t buy, the letters we didn’t write, the trips we didn’t take, the words we never said, but never do we fully regret the mistakes we made; we only look for ways to be better than that. All the things we miss out on will come back to us when we are alone in the corridor. Your assessment of yourself matters more than the assessment that other people give of you; that’s why you stand alone in your corridor. When you are in it and decide to stay still, the world keeps moving, and not only does it make you an observer, but you become distant as the world moves away from the person who stands still today.
Maybe you have had your fair share of relationships in and out. Maybe not. Maybe you are new to it. Either way, make bad drafts of yourself. They are signs that you are working on something. The investment in the memories will always mean a lot. They are the stories we will tell, the reasons we will stay when everything seems to be going to waste. Memories will be the essence that makes you someone you are proud of because when you leave someone, you don’t leave what-ifs, but you leave true engravings that make the next person feel better when they think about you, even when you are out of reach forever.
Selfishness is a part of the reason we want to spoil the ends of relationships. If they know they were a bad person to you, then they will live in regret for the rest of their lives while you thrive and be better with someone else. That’s a lie to tell the children. The selflessness that comes with being a true lover and loving even after the end of something bad is what realigns you and puts you on a track that might not necessarily be straight to the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s a realignment that somewhat makes the blur a bit clearer and reassures you that order exists in chaos. “Well, but that just sounds like wishing on a bad star.” Yes, but at least it was a star, and it was in the sky. It is a sign of a higher life, and when you are directed enough, you will land on your star.
The doors to your corridor sometimes will present a choice between yourself or choosing memories. Choose yourself in the memories because that’s the build-up to the dream you keep having. Perfection is not attainable, but those who came close to it never sat down waiting for perfection to approach them.
The one thing you will drag around in the corridor is your body. And it is the domain of your competence. Yet sometimes a lot of us seem to just let ourselves go, as if we are committed to being low performers in a world that demands the best of us. As you open the doors to the different chapters of your life, making the choices that make, break, and repair you, ever wondered what posture you approach every day with? It is no lie that most of us envision a world where we command respect and others look at us as higher beings. Yet, you never treat yourself as such. You have to sit and ask yourself whether you would be a person on the way to be who you want to be had someone followed you around for a week. Would your lifestyle seem like someone on the way, looking for the way, or on some trajectory to find it?
If you are already satisfied, functional, and fit, you might ask yourself the ‘what if I never got fit?’ question. Where that might lead is some unexplored places that make you want to be more functional. Not because you despise the opposite end, but because sometimes the highs we get ourselves to are not the highest we can be, so we ought to explore more. Maybe you look and feel fit, but your mind is not well competent. Grab a book somewhere and challenge yourself to read until you give up. The same way we progressively overload ourselves to be competent in systems that were not made to uplift us is the same way we should progressively overload our competence to build new systems within ourselves that defy the rules by which our concrete jungles live by.
There is no doubt that we are subjects in a world full of objects. Religion. Social Media. The news. Peer pressure. Social standards. All are things that seem to define who we must be. They are doors that we can open feeling envious of other people, jealous of the way someone carries themself or ashamed of who we are. It is easy to give in to the pressure of being some type of person. It is easily accessible. We quickly guide ourselves to want to be competent enough to be liked, but who does that even matter for? When asked who you are, who does the answer to that question give satisfaction to?
The first of my mentioned influences is what we want to focus on for this part of the blog. The cosmos of the rest of our influences is a wide spectrum whose exploration would take ages to try and dissect. Our minds are universes on their own and so for one universe to explore the other, chaos is guaranteed. But religion widely shapes us, groups us into people united in commonality, churches organized by community feeling and individuals who gradually discover who they are through interaction with both others and themselves.
Who would you be had you not been brought up with the religion or none you belong to? Would you look at people the same? Would you love the same? Would you have a different look at politics, sport, money, societal pyramids and history? The questions that emerge when we try rediscover who we are are the doors presenting themselves in the corridor. Had the answers been different to each question, our lives would have turned out way differently to what the are now, whether we love what’s under our skin or not.
Recently I have found myself questioning and being questioned about my beliefs. No one who questions belief is entirely in the wrong. I just assume they need understanding on something. The corridor is not for the ones who get questioned and look for the right answers. That makes life a test. Reality demands we stop and think before we provide authentic answers. That way we can never be the ones who think their lives are just the way they are and we don’t have any control over them. When our answers are stripped of what must be and are mad up of who we truly are then we can take control and shape how we want the next doors to be opened and what they lead up to because we know the doors that shaped us before and what they’ve led up to today.
When we choose this authenticity then we are tested by life. It seems that when your choice is the pursuit of the highest good, then most times you suffer. This is not entirely the reality of living, but the doors that lead up to a fulfilled life feel like that. This is because life at its core is a series of problems that are meant to be solved, with no specific solutions, only optimal ones depending on how we have lived our lives. 8 billion souls on this earth. With the different ways, structures, and choices we make there can never be a truly right direction to take. There can only be the choices that shaped us and the ones that will shape us. The meaningful suffering comes because we wrestle between being the artists and the art. An acceptance of both roles will lead us into tapping into who we truly need to be, and our corridors are shaped not as perfection, but as a series of opening doors that lead to a higher self.
As we stand in our personal corridors of existence, we must acknowledge that the essence of life isn’t in finding the “right” doors, but in understanding that each door we open shapes the very architecture of our being. The metaphor of the corridor serves not just as a philosophical construct but as a profound reminder that our choices, whether in relationships, personal growth, religious beliefs, or self-discovery, are the architects of our reality.
The authentic self emerges not from avoiding the difficult doors or seeking perfect solutions, but from embracing the meaningful suffering that comes with genuine growth. We are simultaneously the artists crafting our path and the artwork being shaped by our choices. This duality isn’t a contradiction to be resolved, but a dynamic to be embraced.
In a world of 8 billion souls, each with their own corridors of possibility, there can be no universal blueprint for the perfect life. Instead, our journey becomes meaningful through the conscious acknowledgment of our choices and their consequences. The doors we choose to open or leave closed are less about reaching a predetermined destination and more about engaging in the continuous process of becoming.
Perhaps the most profound realization is that while we stand alone in our corridors, the echoes of our choices reverberate through the lives we touch. Our authenticity, our struggles, and our growth become part of a larger tapestry of human experience. The corridor isn’t just a path through life – it is life itself, with all its complexity, uncertainty, and potential for transformation.
As we continue to navigate our personal corridors, may we find the courage to open doors that challenge us, the wisdom to learn from every choice, and the authenticity to remain true to our evolving selves. In this infinite corridor of possibilities, we are not just choosing our path – we are choosing who we become.
Tadiwa Vambe 
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