Answering Questions

Since my trip back home, a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been getting myself up to speed with my productive arc. This stretch feels unorthodox, I restarted a book I read three years ago and I’m reading a page a day of “MIND FUEL” by Bear Grylis and Will Van Der Hart.

The excitement in ‘Mind Fuel’ comes from the questions asked daily. They’re mind-openers and can shake up quite a lot in the way we view ourselves and the individuals around us. The questions for Day 12 included “What do you notice about being on your own? How comfortable do you feel?”

Here is my response:

I get annoyed when I’m assigned a partner for a task that would have been easier to handle alone. I map put all the ways I could have calmly resolved my issues and boil at the fact that besides difficult me, I have someone else to handle and be responsible for. One more body to take account of and an entirely different mind to try and connect with.

Alone but not lonely. That’s how it is when I am on my own.

Let’s go for a solo run. AirPods on, camelback tightly fit and shoes steady on my feet. As I leave the house, my upbeat music, needed to adjust my pace fades away as rhythm slips in and I comfortably get into prayer. The road ahead simulates a planned, uncertain and often unpredictable future, all to be dealt with because of my personal prayer and faith. Unfortunately, prayer ends and with that comes meditation. I feel at ease and although my body might be at peak warm-up at this point, my mind is still in cucumber mode, focusing on its own issues while letting the body reach peak performance. When we finally hit capacity, we can focus on pace, the road ahead and the RUN. We can go on for a while before easing off and backing out, preparing to cool down and land back home safely. The entire time I was never distracted. I explored my physical and mental worlds simultaneously. Surely, I’m not comfortable (my body always reaches some “maximum” performance), but the alone time is more than essential.

Let me be alone. I’m not lonely after all. I do not feel very comfortable, but I am confident. I’m confident that I’m with good company and with someone who actually cares. I am with someone who will be honest with me when I let my guard down. The person I’m with will remind me that how far I’ve come is worth the effort to keep going because I’m proud of the ‘me’ that started all this already. When I am alone, there is so much to discover and relearn, the space is always a growth zone. Growing up and growing old are deeply separated.

I would love to go for a drive, with you, alone, but maybe when I’m answering another question. This mind is a labyrinth of wonderful and deadly thoughts and concepts anyway. Wouldn’t you love to explore?