45

When I was 14, I wrote a letter to my 45 year old self in an essay writing competition. I submitted a copy to POTRAZ(Postal and Telecommunications Regulatory Authority of Zimbabwe) and gave the other to my mom to keep it for my 45th birthday.

I want to open that letter when I am 45 years old because it didn’t win the awards because I was creative. It did so because I was real. At that age, I had dreams, hopes and aspirations. I wanted to see something, not only in myself, but in those around me as well. If you were in my life at that time, best believe your name is in that letter. There was an element of wanting to see better in those whose lives I thought were done, in those who I now wish would’ve lived for longer and in those whose lives are still a great influence on mine. That letter was full of memories, advice and some prayers. That was its purpose for me. Whoever else read it must’ve just enjoyed what the brain of a 14 year old was capable of. I hope the stories made them smile. In my reality, the memories still make me cry.

Today, I am older by a fine margin. My perspective has shifted, I have changed. My 45 year old self knows all this because he sees it, it’s on record. He knows both me and my 14 year old self but we don’t know him. I just hope he loves us because we both surely would love to see him happy. These experiences that have shaped me have just shown me a different “self” to the one I was before, but in me being one entity, some things remain the same. The visions only get clearer.

Today, I am proud of what 14 year old me did. He paved a path to greatness. He cursed me with the need to maintain a certain grade for us and that’s okay, I guess I was never meant to be average. I realize that I’ve already done things for myself, I have already shown myself to the world, with all my flaws and perfections. I keep showing the world that it’s not over and something more is to come. I do this little by little.

I remember some of the things I wrote in that letter and I strive to make them come true. I never dreamt of becoming a doctor, 14 year old me knows, I know, 45 year old me better not disappoint. I thought some things were impossible in that letter. I wrote them still, I achieved them and I’m not even halfway to 45. There’s a long way to go and that letter is no limit to what can be done in that time, it can only serve as the foundation now.

Small things make a difference. I believe. I believe in being better. I believe in doing better. I believe in redefinition. I believe in shooting everyday until you hit the bullseye. I believe in becoming my greatest self, not for the future, but for today. That is exactly how I have grown.

As I grow older, wiser, stronger, I look at the people around me. I see God. I look at the transformations to a better self. I see God. I look at the unfinished masterpiece I’m working on. I see God. I look at the undefined future. I see God. I see love, I see meaning, I see God.

Today is new, but it comes with what yesterday taught us. That’s my approach to learning everyday. I keep writing these letters to myself, sometimes not formally addressed but I only hope when I read them I smile and think, “Oh how wonderful it must’ve been to only dream of what my reality is now,” because I remain powerful beyond measure.

45 year old me, this ride has been a wild one, I hope you write back telling us how it has been for you.